I wonder if there’s a full moon tonight. Or something in the water.

In just the last 24 hours, no fewer than three different people — all high-level professionals — expressed frustration about their difficulty “owning the room.”

But here’s what’s interesting: It wasn’t because their audiences were difficult, or their content was especially challenging.

Every single one of them pointed the finger at themselves.

They recognized that the real block wasn’t external — it was in their own heads. They were holding themselves back from truly taking up the space they had earned and deserved.

Whether you're the global head of a Fortune 1000 company or the founder of a 100-person tech start-up, the toughest roadblocks are almost always the ones we build ourselves. Our limiting beliefs are often the most insidious and immovable barriers we face.

The Mindset Behind Executive Presence

This is one of the first and most critical things I work through with my executive coaching clients, because until that mental block is removed, everything else we do is reduced to “tips and tricks” (and you know how much I hate that phrase). 

Without the right mindset, all the tactical suggestions in the world are just temporary patches — not solutions.

Tony Robbins put it perfectly when he said, 

“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”

In other words, if I define myself as unworthy, I’ll unconsciously act in ways that reinforce that identity. I’ll seek out — and accept — behaviors and circumstances that confirm that belief. 

Or, in today’s example, if I believe I can’t command a room, I will (perhaps without realizing it) continue to behave in a way that ensures I don’t command the room… even while claiming that’s exactly what I want.

Why Mindset Work Must Come First

These limiting beliefs don’t just block us from confident public speaking or executive-level conversations. They can also prevent us from taking that first step at all — like applying for the job we really want, speaking up in meetings, or negotiating for what we’re worth.

And because we don’t act, we think it’s proof we aren’t capable. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That mindset is one of the biggest focus areas in my Quantum Leap program for executive leaders in career transition as well. Yes, we work on strategy and tactics — but not without addressing the mindset piece. Without it, nothing sticks.

Naming the Fear Is How You Take Back Control

A few years ago on my Speaking to Influence podcast, my guest Dr. Mary O’Connor — CMO and co-founder of Vori Health — issued a powerful challenge to our listeners:

Identify a fear that’s holding you back from your passion, and either write it down or say it out loud.

Why? Because there is power in articulating that fear.

It’s scary, no doubt. 

Think about how almost everyone in the Harry Potter series avoided saying “Voldemort” out loud. He was just “He Who Must Not Be Named.” Because if you said his name… you might give him power.

Ironically, it's the opposite with our fears. 

Keeping them vague and nebulous gives them room to grow and loom large. 

But putting them into words — whether spoken or written — actually takes their power away.

Once you name your fear, you might realize:

• How silly or outdated it actually sounds.
• That it’s not even your voice in your head — it’s your old boss, your impatient third-grade teacher, or your hyper-critical parent.
• That you have the right — and the ability — to replace that old, self-defeating narrative with a new, intentional, empowered identity.

Ask Yourself This:

What negative identity is your subconscious trying to prove? Where are you telling yourself a story that’s holding you back?

Here are just a few self-limiting beliefs I hear on a regular basis:

• “I can’t take credit for (job success X) — I just got lucky.”
• “I always freeze under pressure.”
• “I’m not a natural leader because I’m an introvert.”
• “I have to be sure I’m asking the right/perfect/best question before I can speak up.”
• “No one takes me seriously.”

Sound familiar?

Now, if any of those resonated with you — here’s your next challenge:

Grab a pen, or open a voice memo. Speak that fear aloud or write it down. Then challenge it.

Say — or write — “No, that’s not true (or something more, *ahem,* colorful); I am_____” and fill in the blank with the identity you want to claim. The one that will let you own the room with confidence and authenticity.

Real Influence Starts with Identity

This idea came up again in my recent interview with Ross Romano on The Authority Podcast, where Ross and I focused on helping leaders find their voice and increase their influence.

It was a powerful conversation about how influence doesn’t start with technique — it starts with identity.

So here’s the bottom line:

You don’t need to wait for permission to own the room.

You just need to decide that it’s yours to own. That it’s time to speak, move, and lead in alignment with the version of yourself you choose to be — the one who commands the room, connects with the audience, and closes the deal.

Write it down. Say it out loud. And watch what shifts.