“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.” (– Tony Robbins)
International Women’s Day is a celebration of the power of perseverance in overcoming barriers. This goes for men and women alike, and is a reminder that there are two types of barriers we constantly face:
- The systemic barriers and biases we navigate (gender, racial, linguistic, ethnic, age… the list is endless)
- The self-imposed barriers we carry around inside our own heads, both consciously and unconsciously, that hold us back from achieving our dreams and reaching our true potential.
While I can't fix the former (I often tell clients, “it's a pen, not a wand,”) I can offer some insights about how to break free from the latter.
Over the years, I’ve heard versions of the same frustration from high-performing women across different industries.
More importantly, let’s look at three different ways the challenge (and frustration) have been expressed. Because the difference in how the challenge is framed also determines the difference in the power each person has to influence the outcome in their favor.
Scenario #1: The label as a life sentence
A client once told me, “I’m a petite Asian woman; the men in my office will never take me seriously.”
That’s not an observation. That’s a verdict.
In a single sentence, she simultaneously:
- Collapsed a complex workplace ecosystem into a hopeless equation: my body + my identity = permanent disadvantage.
- Lumped “the men” into one monolithic block
- Located all power outside of herself.
- Self-identified as a victim.
Unfortunately, that’s also how self-fulfilling prophecies are born: if you believe it won’t work, you stop trying things that might make it work… and then you “prove” you were right.
Scenario #2: The label as a clue
Another client said, “My boss consistently corrects me in senior leadership meetings, but he never corrects the others even when they make completely wrong statements… and I’m the only woman on the team.”
Notice what’s different. This is evidence-specific, behavioral, and pattern-based. And, the focus is on the evidence.
She’s not saying, “I’m a woman, so I’m doomed.” She’s saying, “Here is what’s happening, repeatedly, in this environment. Gender could be a factor—and we should take that possibility seriously—but first, let’s name the pattern clearly and decide on a strategy.”
That is a person reclaiming agency without denying a potentially real condition that requires careful consideration and navigation.
Scenario #3: The label as context for strategy
A third client told me, “It’s intimidating because I’m young and female, new to the role, and I’m way younger than most of our client leaders who are generally men—and often in countries where they don’t have women in leadership roles.”
Again: nuance. This isn’t resignation; it’s situational awareness.
She’s acknowledging feelings and naming factors that may influence how she’s perceived. That’s not self-limiting—it’s data.
It’s the kind of clarity that allows her to choose behaviors and communication styles that will empower her to proactively build a brand, reputation, and communication strategy that makes success more likely.
So here’s the question International Women’s Day invites us to ask—not just about “the world,” but about ourselves:
When you feel frustrated or intimidated, what does your internal self-talk sound like?
(FYI, If you are using labels that lock you in place and make you feel stuck, I can help.)
The most common workplace labels that quietly cap our growth
Here are five limiting labels I hear frequently—often from brilliant, capable people. They can sound harmless (even honest). But the moment a label becomes a hard, embraced identity—rather than a flexible starting point—it can become a self-imposed barrier:
- “I’m an introvert.”
This becomes an excuse not to network, not to speak up in meetings unless absolutely required, not to get to know people or let them get to know what you have to offer.
What it costs: relationships, sponsorship, and the benefit of the doubt when stakes are high. (You don’t have to become an extrovert to gain these advantages, just stop hiding.) - “I’m a perfectionist.”
This is often a euphemistic facade for: “I lack confidence, so I don’t want to speak up unless I have the ‘right/perfect’ answer.”
What it costs: airtime, brand development, and influence in the room. It sends the message that you don’t want to collaborate, or worse, have nothing to offer of value. - “I don’t want to come across as emotional.”
This often leads to overcompensation: To avoid being labeled as (too) emotional, they flatten everything and come across as cold and disconnected: no empathy, no passion, no enthusiasm or conviction.
What it costs: Ironically, the attempt to look “professional” can make them feel less trustworthy or authoritative, especially in moments that require human connection. - “I’m conflict-averse.”
Fact: Nobody enjoys conflict. The problem is when this label becomes an excuse and really means “I avoid difficult but important conversations.”
What it costs: standards slip, resentment builds, and small problems become big ones. It’s not kind, it’s unclear. - “I’m the best.” (Actually, that’s just what they’re thinking. What they’ll say is “I just have really high standards. Nobody else can do it.”)
What this looks like: No delegation, no helping your people grow and develop their own skills, no learning curve for them. Congrats, you’re the lone star.
What it costs: burnout and quiet bitterness (“Why am I carrying everyone?”), plus a career ceiling—because the higher you want to go, the more you must let go of.
Now, could any of these statements rooted in some truth? Sure.
But are you allowing those truths define your limitations as a person?
Labels aren’t always wrong. They’re just often incomplete.
To be clear: this is NOT a “think positively and sexism (or other -ism) disappears” message. No thank you.
If you’re the only woman in the room and your boss undermines you publicly, that’s not “in your head.” Both are facts. But is one the cause of the other? That requires far more information to accurately determine and address.
A quick International Women’s Day challenge
This week, listen to your own inner narration the way you’d listen to the words of someone you’re mentoring. When you hear a limiting label show up, try this simple reframe:
- Turn the label into a description.
“I’m not confident” becomes “I feel nervous about this meeting.” - Turn the description into a next step.
“What would ‘one notch braver’ look like in the next 10 minutes?”
That’s how growth happens: not in grand, instantaneous transformations, but in small moments of choosing differently.
So here’s your closing question:
Are your labels helping you understand your world… or quietly shrinking it?
