PANIC. That’s what so many of my clients tell me they experience when they’re suddenly put on the spot:
- The tough question in a board meeting.
- The unexpected “Can you share an update/a few thoughts?”
- The unanticipated interview question.
- The networking chat that becomes a client opportunity.
Most leaders prepare (often ad nauseum) for big presentations, but it’s the moments when we haven’t pre-determined what we want to say that are far more telling, and have a bigger impact on our brand and credibility.
That’s where leadership presence is really tested: when there’s no script.
Because the ability to speak on the spot is a decisive factor in who we trust.
Unfortunately, for most people, when panic hits, the brain seems to stop. Sometimes the words get stuck too… or maybe they gush out rampantly and you just wish they’d stop.
In a recent HBR On Leadership interview, Stanford lecturer and communication expert Matt Abrahams (host of Think Fast, Talk Smart and author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter) gave a lot of great suggestions about how to handle those impromptu high-stakes moments.
So just in case you don’t have 30 minutes to listen to the whole episode (though I recommend you try), I thought I’d share some of his key points, with a little of my own observations mixed in:
The Real Enemy: The Death-Spiral of “What If” Questions
Abrahams notes that much of speaking anxiety is future-oriented. We worry about potential negative outcomes instead of focusing on being present to your audience/listeners in the moment.
I call this going down the death-spiral of “what-if” questions in our heads:
- What if I make a mistake?
- What if I forget what I wanted to say?
- What if they ask something I can’t answer?
- What if they don’t like what I say?
Sound familiar? If so, feel free to reach out to me here.
These thoughts hijack your cognitive bandwidth. You can’t be fully present with your audience if your brain is busy predicting disaster.
Abrahams recommends shifting attention to the present moment. He’s absolutely right.
Let’s go one step further.
A Powerful Pre-Game Ritual: Visualize Success
One of the most effective preparatory tactics I teach leaders is success visualization.
A C-level finance exec I work with shared his anxiety around public speaking in any group context, and how this simple practice made a huge difference for him.
Think about past success first. You’ve already had plenty of moments where you were able to speak to a group and felt:
- Calm
- Articulate
- Persuasive
- Effective
Right? Close your eyes and revisit – don’t just remember, re-live – one of those moments.
See what you saw.
Hear what you heard.
Feel the confidence and satisfaction in your body.
Let yourself genuinely re-experience that state.
Then—while you’re in that same physical, mental and emotional state—imagine yourself nailing the upcoming conversation or presentation.
Picture:
- The audience nodding in understanding
- Their engaged expressions
- Their appreciation
- The confident smile on your own face and full, satisfied breathing in your lungs
Imagine walking out feeling victorious, respected, and trusted.
Elite athletes and performers do it constantly. They picture themselves:
- Making the shot
- Sticking the landing
- Crossing the finish line
- Catching the ball
This isn’t wishful thinking. It’s state management. You’re priming your nervous system for success.
And many research studies have shown the material impact that simple practice has on success rates.
Structure: Your Secret Weapon for Speaking on the Spot
Abrahams emphasizes that structure is critical in spontaneous communication. I couldn’t agree more.
When you have a simple mental framework, you don’t have to invent your response from scratch under pressure.
One of his favorite models is:
What → So What → Now What
- What: The idea or feedback
- So what: Why it matters
- Now what: The next step
Another is asking yourself in advance what you want the audience to think, feel and do with the answer you give.
It’s simple, clear, and highly practical.
This connects directly to what I call The Three Levels of Impact:
- Cognitive (Think)
What do you want them to understand? - Emotional (Feel)
How do you want them to feel about it? - Behavioral (Do)
What action should they take?
When you define these three levels before you speak, they become your conversational GPS. They guide how you frame your message and keep you focused on the desired outcome.
Natural vs. Perfect: It’s About Degree
Abrahams wisely notes that striving for perfection can backfire. Over-monitoring yourself increases cognitive load and makes you less effective.
He even tells his Stanford MBA students to “strive for mediocrity” to reduce pressure.
I agree with the idea of not aiming for perfection. How to do it is even more important.
Think of it this way:
When you’re driving and see a pothole ahead, if all you think is:
“Don’t hit the pothole… don’t hit the pothole…”
What happens?
You hit the pothole.
Because as the saying goes: where focus goes, energy flows.
Same with communication.
If you keep telling yourself, “Don’t say um… don’t mess up…”
Your brain fixates on the very thing you don’t want to do… and then you do just that!
Instead, redirect your focus onto what you DO want:
- Make a personal connection with them
- Be yourself
- Land your point
- Help them feel comfortable being themselves
That focus produces better results than obsessing over flawless delivery.
When You Get Flustered
It happens to everyone.
Abrahams recommends having a “back pocket question” ready to buy time. For example:
“Before I answer, I’m curious—what’s most important to you about this?”
That redirects attention and gives you a moment to regroup while getting more clarity on what kind of information they want.
Another option I often suggest: A thoughtful pause.
Silence feels longer to you than to them. A two-second pause signals thoughtfulness, not incompetence.
The Bottom Line
Spontaneous speaking isn’t a talent reserved for the quick-witted or exceedingly charismatic.
It’s a skill. A learnable, trainable, repeatable skill.
When you:
- Manage your state
- Visualize success
- Use simple structures
- Focus on the Three Levels of Impact
- Release the need for perfectionism
You show up with clarity, confidence, and connection.
And those moments—those unscripted moments—are where leadership presence is truly built.
If this is an area you want to strengthen, start small. Pick one framework from this article and practice it this week.
You might be surprised how quickly your confidence grows—and how differently people respond to you.
Want to expedite that process and success rate? That’s exactly what we work on together in executive coaching. If you’re curious to learn more, feel free to reach out to me here:
