Sometimes change happens so quickly it seems like magic.
Last week I went for a 4-day NLP (neurolinguistic programming) certification training.
What became amazingly clear was how many of our frustrations and limitations—personal, professional, even physical—are really just beliefs created in our own minds.
In just moments, I watched people overcome everything from lifelong food addictions to 50-year phobias and even allergies.
I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there learning the techniques, watching the transformations, and experiencing the results myself.
And yes, I’ve seen it work in my own life too: I broke a chocolate addiction over three years ago when I first started in NLP and haven’t touched it–or missed it–since. (Trust me, that’s saying something!)
But it made me wonder: What else are we afraid to do—or convinced we can’t do—because of beliefs or fears we’ve allowed to become rules?
Where have we unconsciously built barriers in our own minds?
How Mental Rules Shape Our Confidence and Communication
One of my favorite examples is a little thing I call “Zoom lunch syndrome.”
Have you ever done a “virtual coffee/lunch” where people get together over Zoom or Teams and “brown bag” the meal together, but when it’s time to eat, they all turn off their cameras?
“Nobody needs to see me chew!” someone always says.
But think about it—in all the times you’ve ever gone out to lunch with friends or colleagues in person, has anyone ever turned their back to the table or held a napkin over their mouth every time they took a bite?
Um… No. Never.
So what’s the difference?
The real issue is this: on video, you can see yourself chewing, and suddenly, your mind goes into hyper-self-conscious mode.
Congratulations, your brain has invented a new rule: “No one wants to see me eat.” A rule that limits opportunities for connection, comfort, and authenticity… all based on nothing more than a script written by your own imagination.
The Fear of Public Speaking Is a Story—Not a Fact
We do this all the time. Especially with public speaking.
Some people panic at the idea of addressing more than two or three people at once, as if the floor might open up and swallow them whole—or at least, they’re hoping it might.
They picture the audience as a panel of angry middle school teachers just waiting to deduct points with every word, every “um,” every awkward pause.
But here’s the truth: your audience wants you to succeed.
Why? Because if you’re confident, engaging, and have something interesting to say, then listening to you is a good use of their time.
If you’re nervous, scattered, or apologetic? At best they’ll feel bad for you, and at worst… well, pity doesn’t exactly earn you bonus points.
So when you keep telling yourself, They’re judging me! instead of They’re rooting for me!, it’s your imagination creating an assumption and a self-limiting narrative—and your brain believing it as if it were gospel.
Stop Saying “No” to Yourself Before Anyone Else Does
The same rule-making shows up in decision-making.
Say you want to apply for a new job, pitch a bold idea, or even ask someone out on a date. But you don’t.
Why? Because they might say no, and your ego doesn’t want to risk the embarrassment of rejection.
But here’s the kicker: by not asking, you remove any chance of getting a yes, and guarantee the answer is no.
Congrats—you just rejected yourself. Again.
That’s what self-imposed limiting beliefs do.
Executive Presence Begins with Rewriting Your Inner Narrative
This concept came up again last week when I had the opportunity to deliver a masterclass on leadership communication and do a book signing for this year’s cohort of Albrecht Fellows at the World Trade Center Institute in Baltimore, MD.
The topic of false limitations—the imaginary boundaries we place on ourselves, especially around concepts like authenticity—was front and center.
Afterwards, the feedback spoke volumes:
- “The advice—'people want you to succeed'—really stuck with me.”
- “I really enjoyed her comments about not being afraid to take risks, and forcing people to say no to you.”
- “Dr. Sicola gave me an extreme boost of confidence!”
- “I genuinely learned a lot about adjusting your communication to fit with the scenario you're in.”
- “I learned a lot about the importance and nuances of speech, especially how to be a more influential speaker.”
These aren’t just feel-good takeaways. They’re the foundation of executive presence: the ability to communicate with confidence, authenticity, and influence—whether you're leading a team, giving a keynote, or just trying to get buy-in at a Monday morning meeting.
And here’s the good news: If those limiting beliefs are all in your head, that means you have the full power to change them.
That’s why executive coaching is so much more than polishing your speech or tweaking your Powerpoint slides.
It's about identifying the hidden narratives that hold you back—from speaking up in meetings to claiming your seat at the table—and helping you rewrite them with new, empowering truths.
If you’re sick of feeling stuck and ready to get out of your own way, reclaim your power and your voice, and rise to the level of success you were meant for, drop me a line here to set up a breakthrough session.
Because the real goal isn’t just to “look like a leader.” It’s to believe that you are one… and then communicate like it.
What History Can Teach Us About Persistence and Power
One core component of leadership is resilience.
After all, sometimes it takes hearing “no” more than a few times before you get to the “yes.”
That truth feels especially meaningful this week, as we celebrate Women’s Equality Day—marking 105 years since the 19th Amendment granted women (though initially, only white women) the right to vote.
But imagine if the suffragists had simply accepted “no” for an answer… or worse, had assumed the answer would be no and hadn’t bothered to fight for it at all.
Progress takes persistence. Change takes courage. And often, the biggest obstacle is the one we’ve constructed in our own mind.
So the next time you catch yourself saying, I can’t, They won’t, or It’s not worth trying, pause and ask:
What if that barrier is all in your head?
And then ask again:
What would happen if I broke my own rule and did it anyway?
