“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”
George Bernard Shaw
Apparently, Shaw has been to my house.
It has come to my attention — ironically — that in my home, if I want to start a conversation with any immediate family member, I am essentially guaranteed to have to repeat myself at least twice unless I follow a very specific protocol.
First, I must call the person by name.
Second, I must explicitly request that they hit pause, look up, remove an earbud, or otherwise disengage from whatever glowing rectangle is currently holding their body, mind and soul hostage.
Only then may I proceed.
If I skip this process with my Gen X husband, he’ll respond, “Uh-huh.” But if I ask him to recount even one part of what I just said, he’ll suddenly look at me blankly and realize he has no idea that I was even talking, much less what the subject was.
With my Gen Z son, who is generally a better listener, I’ll get partial credit. He’ll catch most of it, but then say something that makes it abundantly clear he missed at least one major component.
And with my Gen Alpha nine-year-old, if I don’t follow the process, I’ll finish my entire point, and there will be a pause. Then, from somewhere deep within the Minecraft/YouTube abyss, will come the clockwork-like response:
“What?”
It doesn’t matter whether my original message was three words or three paragraphs.
This is the state of our world.
And it’s not just happening at home.
It’s happening in meetings. In emails. In town halls. In performance conversations. In boardrooms. On Zoom. On Teams. On Slack. In every place where one human being assumes that because words were spoken, sent, posted, or forwarded, communication has actually happened.
But as Shaw reminds us, that assumption may be the biggest problem of all.
We don’t have a communication problem.
We have an attention problem.
Why Attention Is the New Leadership Currency
Modern leadership isn’t just a battle against competing priorities or tight deadlines. You’re vying for mindshare against a relentless barrage: the ping of notifications, the lure of open tabs, and the lingering mental weight of the last five meetings.
Physical presence is not the same as mental availability.
The workspace Is Designed for Distraction
People are skimming, not deep-diving. They are “present” on camera (and even that’s a stretch for some of us) while their minds are miles away, attempting the cognitive myth of multitasking.
The breakdown is inevitable.
And when it happens, we often make the fatal mistake of saying more. We pile on more slides, more context, and more paragraphs, hoping quantity creates clarity.
It’s like verbal carpet-bombing, hoping that something hits the target.
Executive Presence is Getting Through the Noise
Leadership is about having the executive presence to respect the listener’s bandwidth. It’s knowing exactly what they need to absorb, and doing your best to ensure they’re in a state of being able to do so.
Presence isn’t about using the biggest words. It’s about figuring out how to be heard the first time.
If anything, bigger words are harder to process; simple words and phrases of equal accuracy are far more easily absorbed.
But for most of us, that’s more than counter-intuitive; it’s downright HARD.
The Leader Who Clearly Asks for What They Need, Wins
Attention is not automatic. It has to be earned… or at least requested explicitly.
Sometimes the most important step in getting people’s attention is to ASK for it, e.g.:
“Okay, we’re going to get started momentarily, so I’m asking everyone to put away your phones, minimize your email, close whatever you’re working on, and commit to MONO-TASKING, not multitasking, so we can get done as quickly as possible with everyone in agreement on next steps, and not have to revisit this again.
Are we all in agreement that that is desirable? If so, please type YES in the chat.
Great, next please type “READY” in the chat to let me know when you’ve closed your other windows and are ready to get started.
Once I’ve heard from everyone, we’ll get going….”
If you don't let them know that you expect them to pay attention, then you should expect that they won't.
How Leaders Can Sustain Attention
Once you initially get their attention, here are three ways to sustain it:
- Lead with the point. Don’t force your audience to hunt for the lead. Instead of burying your recommendation in background, state the bottom line first: “We’re pushing the launch back two weeks. Here’s why.”
- Structure your message for the auditory skimmers:. Your expertise is deep, but their focus duration is shallow. Use headlines, short beats, and intentional pauses to let the key ideas settle. In other words: No run-on sentences.
- Finally, utilize contrast to help the brain organize what it hears. Contrast acts as a cognitive filter, highlighting exactly what matters and why. e.g.:
- “This isn’t a resource issue; it’s a focus issue.”
- “This is not about cutting corners; it’s about eliminating duplication.”
- “This decision is urgent, but it is not final.”
Because attention is never automatically given anymore.
It’s earned.
Ask yourself where you’re enabling your audience to be mentally absent. Then find a way to get everyone refocused, simplify your message, and redirect.
Whether you’re leading a team, preparing for a high-stakes presentation, managing change, or trying to make sure your message actually lands the first time, the right communication skill can make all the difference.
