Years ago, I overheard my boss tell a colleague that she handled her email inbox by simply deleting everything more than six months old—no reading, no sorting, just: Delete.
I remember biting my tongue, resisting the urge to storm over and say, “I’m STILL waiting for you to reply to things that matter! They may not be important to you, but they have a direct, material, and massive impact on me!”
It also explained a lot about her leadership style.
Fast forward a few years to my first forays into online dating, where I discovered that “ghosting”—that is, vanishing without a word—was practically a rite of passage. After days or weeks of communication, and maybe even a couple of dates, the other person would just… disappear. Radio silence. No closure.
I remember thinking, Listen pal, my ego can handle a polite “Hey, I don’t think this is a match,” but the vanishing act? That’s just disrespectful. If anything, that hurt way more than hearing someone simply wasn’t interested.
And now, ghosting has infiltrated the workplace too—on both sides of the job market.
When Silence Isn’t Golden—It’s a Red Flag
According to a recent article in the Philadelphia Business Journal, ghosting is the new norm in hiring—and it’s happening across the board.
The job search is demoralizing enough nowadays. As candidates apply online, they submit their resumes into what I call “the abyss.” Beyond the automated confirmation email, they hear nothing. Weeks, sometimes months, go by with no word, even once the role has been filled. Everyone is just left wondering.
I find this corporate practice unconscionable.
In a world where every out-of-office reply, software update, and delivery notification is automated, how hard is it to send a simple mass message to the whole applicant pool to say, “Thank you for applying, but we’ve moved forward with another candidate”?
It takes virtually no effort—and yet far too often companies often choose silence. That choice sends a louder message than any rejection: You’re not even worth the courtesy of a response.
Here’s the leadership lesson: If that’s how a company treats applicants, what does it say about how they probably treat their employees?
But Wait—It Goes Both Ways
Of course, ghosting isn’t limited to the employer side.
The same article pointed out that employers are now grappling with candidates who disappear mid-process—after a phone interview, after submitting references, sometimes even after accepting the job.
If that’s how someone behaves before they're hired, imagine their level of accountability after onboarding. Leaders, if this happens to you, don’t be discouraged—be relieved. You dodged a bullet.
What Ghosting Really Says About Us
The most troubling part of all this? Ghosting has become socially normalized. We’ve rationalized it as:
- “I hate conflict—this is easier.”
- “It’s not that big a deal.”
- “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.” (Meaning: I don’t want to feel bad)
- “Everyone does it.”
- “I'm just conflict averse.”
But let’s call it what it is: Avoidance (i.e. cowardice) disguised as authenticity.
Leadership isn’t about avoiding difficult conversations. In fact, having those conversations—with tact and compassion—is one of the most important leadership communication skills there is. Those are some of the most important situations I work on with my executive coaching clients.
News flash: Nobody enjoys awkward or uncomfortable conversations. But ghosting doesn’t make you emotionally intelligent—it makes you irresponsible.
In fact, this ties directly into what I got to discuss this week on the Leadership Growth podcast with Peter and Daniel Stewart.
In our conversation, we discussed:
Why ghosting is really a failure of accountability
How to have hard conversations with clarity and kindness
What it actually means to be authentic as a leader
And why growth, by definition, lives outside your comfort zone
We unpack what true authenticity in leadership sounds like, why it’s not about comfort, and how to step into your power without stepping on toes.
Listen on The Myth of Authenticity on Apple, Spotify and online.
So often, when people say they want to “be authentic,” what they really mean is: I want to stay comfortable.
But leadership and comfort don’t go hand-in-hand.
Authenticity ≠ Comfort
Leadership growth demands discomfort. It means learning how to:
- Be direct without being cruel.
- Be honest without being cold.
- Be firm while still being empathetic.
This is where diplomacy comes into play. As I tell my executive coaching clients all the time: Tact is the ability to make a point without making an enemy.
If you can’t have honest conversations on the front end—whether it’s telling a candidate they didn’t get the job, or telling a new contact you’re not interested in pursuing things further—how can you expect to build trust on the back end?
The Real Risk of Ghosting: Eroding Trust
Ghosting doesn’t just affect individuals—it has a ripple effect that chips away at company culture, team morale, and leadership credibility. It teaches people to expect the worst. It lowers the bar for what we find acceptable, and the kind of respect we should expect to give and receive. And in the long run, it breeds a culture of disengagement.
But here’s the good news: We get to set the tone.
Whether you’re a hiring manager, candidate, leader, or entry-level employee—you can choose to lead with integrity. You can choose to communicate, even when it’s hard. You can be the person who follows up, closes the loop, and treats people with respect.
And trust me—that kind of leadership gets remembered.
Bringing It Home
If there’s one universal truth in business, relationships, and life, as Maya Angelou wisely observed: People will forget what you said, they’ll forget what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.
In contrast, ghosting makes people feel unimportant, disrespected, and disposable.
If your organization needs support in building a culture of clear, respectful, and courageous communication, feel free to reach out.
You don’t have to write a heartfelt, customized rejection letter every time. But a two-sentence note that says, “Thanks for your time, we’ve gone in a different direction” is leadership in action.
That’s the kind of professional reputation worth building—and defending.
