Sometimes I have to laugh at the kinds of influence we can have on others. Recently I got an email that said:
‘Hi Laura. A while ago, you did an analysis of a great scene from the Netflix show, The Diplomat. I'd never seen it before, but I watched the clip that you analyzed and was immediately hooked. I watched the first couple of seasons after that, and last week when I got a notification that the new season had been released, I binge watched the whole thing! Who knows how long I'm going to have to wait for the next season to come out.'
All I could think of as a response was, as Gen-Z might be prone to say, “Sorry – not sorry?”
But more importantly, the person also shared with me that in addition to just an overall great plot and fantastic writing, she was also now keenly observant and aware of how so many principles and concepts we talk about here are brilliantly embodied in that show.
One of those principles sits at the center of Allison Janney's portrayal of President Grace Penn.
What is “the burden of certainty”?
The burden of certainty is the weight of having to look sure of your decisions, even when, privately, you're anything but.
Janney named it herself in an interview with Gold Derby, describing her role playing a president who “can't afford to look like she doesn't know if she made the right choice. She has to have the burden of certainty.“
The room (and in her case, the country) needs her to have the answer, so she carries the appearance of one, whether or not she feels it inside.
It’s also something we all contend with at some point or other at work and in life.
Maybe you walk into the all-hands not knowing whether the new plan you’re about to reveal will work. Or you reassure your team through a reorg while you're quietly worried too.
And if you're a woman, person of color, or of any other underrepresented group in senior leadership, Grace's predicament may feel that much more familiar. The margin for visible doubt tends to be narrowest for the people already under the most scrutiny.
Does projecting confidence you don't feel make you a fraud?
No. If the gap between what you feel and what you have to project has ever made you feel like a fraud, you're not one. You're doing what the job requires, with integrity.
Here's the distinction that matters: Allison Janney is acting. You're not. What you're doing is choosing which of several often competing truths gets through in a given moment:
- Your doubt is real.
- So is your commitment to the plan,
- Your confidence in your team,
- Your need to protect and support many different stakeholder groups,
- And the very real understanding that how you make people feel will directly impact their behavior (often NOT in logical or productive ways), which will have a direct ripple effect on the outcome, for better or worse.
Leadership isn't the absence of doubt. It's the ability to hold your doubt privately while giving your people something steady to stand on.
When should a leader show doubt, and when should they project confidence?
The real skill is knowing which side of the line a given moment calls for.
There's a time and a place to let people know how uncertain you are. To show your vulnerability and ask for help. To convey the risks and let people know exactly what the odds are and what's at stake.
Your board, your leadership team, or a trusted peer may need the full, unvarnished picture so they can make good decisions alongside you.
And there are other times when you need to put on the strong front. The team on the front lines of a change may need a clear direction and a steady voice far more than a tour of every scenario that's keeping you up at night.
Isn't choosing what to share just a polite way of being inauthentic?
If this sounds like choosing to be authentic at some times and inauthentic at others, I would counter that it's simply a question of context, timing, and who is on a need-to-know basis, when, and why.
As proof, let's step outside the workplace for a minute and look at your family. If you were a parent and suddenly learned that you have cancer, would you tell your young children immediately? Do you walk them through the statistical odds of beating it?
I highly doubt it. But is that being inauthentic? Of course not. You're deciding what your children can handle, how much they need to know, and when, so the family can keep functioning, feel safe, and be ready for what may come.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying that employees, investors, or other stakeholders are children. But part of the burden of leadership is deciding how much knowledge is in everyone's best interest at what point, knowing that no answer is going to make everyone happy.
I always approach these decisions assuming best intentions and holding to the highest standards of integrity. Even within those standards, the decisions aren’t obvious.
How do you communicate either choice credibly?
Deciding what to share is half the burden. The other half is how you share it.
Whichever side of the line you land on, the message has to be the most authentic, most honorable, most careful version available. It should meet the greatest need of the most constituents, while you find ways to mitigate the risks and protect or at least support as many people as you can.
A useful place to start is to decide, for each audience, what you need them to think, feel, and do as a result of the conversation:
- Your board may need to understand the real exposure, feel confident that you're on top of it, and approve a contingency plan.
- Your team may need to understand the direction, feel steady, and keep executing.
Same situation, same fact sets, two different and equally honorable messages.
In either of those kinds of moments, how you carry yourself and how you deliver your message are the whole game.
- A confident message delivered with a tight jaw and a rushed pace tells the room the opposite of your words.
- A candid admission of risk, delivered calmly and paired with a clear plan, can steady people more than forced cheer ever could.
- Remember: When what you say and how you say it are out of alignment, people believe the how. When they are in alignment, people believe the what.
That's the work I do with leaders, through 1:1 executive coaching and team programs: Building the presence to hold a room under pressure, and the self-awareness to know when you're standing on conviction versus digging in on ego.
- Maybe you're facing a decision your team won't love.
- Maybe you're stepping into a role where the buck now stops with you.
- Or maybe you're learning to carry hard calls without letting them rattle your presence.
Whichever it is, you don't have to carry it alone. If you're carrying a lonely decision right now, let's talk.
The question isn't whether you can avoid the big make-or-break moments. It's whether you can stand in them, steady, and still be the leader that others confidently follow.
