It was B-movie-level cliché.
I was 28, new to Philadelphia, and needed to furnish my apartment on a grad student budget. A friend tipped me off to a place selling second-hand household items, so I decided to check it out.
The place turned out to be more flea market than secondhand store, and the middle-aged manager looked like he may have personally put the “flea” in “flea market.”
He gave me a once-over when I walked in and asked, “What are you looking for?”
“Basic stuff for an apartment,” I replied, and started browsing.
Every few minutes, he’d pop up like a sitcom side character. I’d point to a mirror, coffee table, or bookcase and ask the price. He’d quote a number, I’d nod silently, and after five seconds of my saying nothing, he’d blurt, “But I could give it to you for…” followed by a lower price.
No haggling. No eyebrow raises. Just silence. And every time, the price dropped.
After half an hour, I said, “So you’ll give me the mirror for X, the bookcase for Y, and the coffee table for Z. How about I take the whole set off your hands for Q?” (Q being less than the sum of X, Y, and Z.)
He paused, scratched his head for a moment, and said, “Well… yeah, I guess I can do that.”
I paid. He helped me load the car. Then came the kicker: He walked to my window as I was about to leave and said, “Uh, if there’s something specific you’re looking for in the future, give me a call… ‘cause, you know… you look good… but you know how to do business.”
Inappropriate? Sure. But what I also understood was that he meant it as a compliment of respect. In his own clunky, unfiltered way, he respected me as an equal on the playing field.
I hadn’t said much, but I didn’t need to. The silence did all the talking.
The Secret Weapon in Negotiation: Strategic Silence
Ironically, the only tactic I used that day was silence.
Not some Jedi mind trick. Not arguing or explaining or pleading… Just not talking.
Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference, considers this technique an essential part of what he calls “tactical empathy.”
Silence unsettles people. It creates space. It feels like rejection. And most people rush to fill that space—often by negotiating against themselves.
It works because we’re conditioned to avoid silence.
Awkward pauses at a dinner party? Worst vibe ever. And if you’re a people-pleaser or someone who finds negotiation “icky” (hello, Saturn car buyers of the 1990s), silence feels rude.
But silence isn’t awkward. Silence is power.
How to Negotiate with Confidence (Even If You Hate It)
If the idea of negotiating makes you squirm, you’re not alone.
Some people go out of their way to avoid it altogether. They take the first offer, tell themselves it’s “good enough,” and move on. No stress. No confrontation.
Comfortable? Maybe. Strategic? Not so much.
Even if you enjoy the process (I do—it’s practically an Olympic sport in my house), good negotiation isn’t about being slick or cutthroat. It’s about clarity.
Know what you want. Know what the other person values. And then—here’s the magic—find the intersection between the two.
Negotiation vs. Manipulation: Know the Difference
Let’s be clear: negotiation is NOT manipulation.
Manipulation is about bending someone to your will, usually at their expense.
Negotiation, on the other hand, is about exploring value—yours and theirs—and creating alignment.
That’s what makes “tactical empathy” so powerful. Negotiation may be a “soft skill”, but it’s not soft. It’s smart.
I recently attended a Black Swan Group training (Chris Voss’s team) in Nashville, and let me tell you: their version of empathy isn’t about being “nicey-nicey.”
It’s a deep dive into psychology, human behavior, and communication strategy.
Why You Should Never Accept the First Salary Offer
Let’s talk careers for a minute.
You’ve found the perfect role. You’ve nailed the interviews. You’ve received an offer.
Now is NOT the time to say yes.
This is when they expect you to negotiate.
And if you don’t, they’re not thinking, “Wow, what a team player!” They’re thinking, “Huh. I guess that’s what they think they’re worth.”
How you respond to an offer speaks volumes:
- Do you advocate for yourself?
- Do you understand your value?
- Do you have presence, precision, and poise?
Whether you dread compensation conversations or secretly live for them, the truth is—you can always do it better.
This is one of the key skills we build in my Quantum Leap program. We coach clients through every stage of the executive transition process, including how to confidently negotiate your compensation package.
And if negotiation feels like a leap too far because even interviewing terrifies you? Well, then we’ll start there.
Need to get even more basic?
Check out my recent conversation with Sameer Mistry on The Sameer Show on YouTube or Spotify. We talked about public speaking, mindset shifts, and strategies to project confidence—even when you don’t feel it.
Final Thought: Press Pause Before You Say Yes
Whether you’re buying a used coffee table or negotiating your next C-suite offer, here’s my advice:
Don’t say yes too fast.
Pause. Reflect. Ask questions. Be curious. Sit in the silence. And let the silence work for you.
Because chances are…
You can do better.
And you deserve to.
